11 Quirks of the Persian Mom

1) She washes dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. To get washed.

2) She cleans up the house before the cleaning people come. To clean the house.

3) Her first suggestion for any ailment is tea with honey/rosewater/rock candy.

4) She plants all her own flowers, makes your dad help, and insists "khodesh doost dare!" (he, himself, enjoys it!)

5) She never has to raise her voice to scare you. Sitting very still and widening her eyes just a millimeter sends ripples of fear throughout your body.

6) She'll call you and leave you a voicemail, and if you don't call her back within five minutes, she'll call again. Then she'll text. Then she'll send out an Amber Alert.

7) When you're cooking, she'll come stand next to you and make sure you're "doing it right."
"Why aren't you using saffron? Did you wash the chicken? Wash the chicken again." 

8) She'll verbally lash anyone who says anything negative about you in public, but will recite a list of everything you're doing wrong when you're back in private.

9) Sundays are call-every-relative-overseas day.

10) She'll call all of your dates/boyfriends/girlfriends/love interests "friends", and won't consider your relationship "serious" until there is a diamond ring involved.

11) When driving with her, she will always do these three things:
1) Alert you as soon as you're driving one mile over the speed limit.
2) Yell your name, followed by a "movazeb bash!" (be careful!) whenever you change lanes, exit, or breathe.
3) Firmly smack the dashboard three times when she wants you to STOP!

12 Signs You're Getting Older

You think the music is too loud. Everywhere.

You refer to teenagers as kids, and you think middle schoolers look like toddlers with bigger clothes.

The thought of going out two nights in a row is extremely stressful.

Staying in on a Saturday night to watch three movies in a row seems totally normal. And more fun than being in a loud bar.

You'd rather stab yourself in the eyes repeatedly while listening to songs by Creed than go to a packed club full of hot, sweaty people.

You know who Creed is.

You start using the "I gotta get up early tomorrow" excuse for leaving parties.

Your pins on Pinterest are less fashion and fun, and more Crate & Barrel and Pier 1.

When your parents scold a sibling, you start agreeing with them.

You start worrying about things like prostates, ovaries, and colons.

You start planting flowers.

You start planting anything.