5. Walk On Their Carpet With Your Shoes
I don't care if your "shoes are new" or "really clean." Unless you're planning on hovering, floating, or walking on your knuckles, take them off. The gracious, hospitable Iranian host may be smiling at you and saying "that's ok, dear, you can leave them on," but you can be sure they're quickly burning with rage on the inside and testing your cultural awareness.
4. Refuse Their Offers of Food
This really should be Iranian Etiquette Rule #1. If you're a guest in one of our homes, and we put food in front of you, eat it. Fruit, sweets, appetizers, main courses, eat all of it. And I don't mean dainty little bites, I mean heaping spoons, and plates. It doesn't matter if you've already eaten, just had gastric bypass, or are recovering from a bout of food poisoning. Just eat, because honestly, if you've had the last two, you'll throw it up either way. You don't want to risk offending your hosts, as you'll never hear the end of it. "He must not like the way I make zereshk polo" or "I know it's not as good as your moms cooking" or (the ever popular) "My apologies for not being able to cook a proper, tasty meal for you."
I met my boyfriends parents for the first time over dinner at their house. They had the most amazingly delicious spread of fruits, appetizers, wine, Persian food, Italian food, and dessert. Forget that we had just come from having eaten ourselves silly at a prior event, there was no way we were going to let this lovely hospitality go to waste on account of "being full." Not only did I, enthusiastically, eat two plates of food (that lasagna was ridiculous!) but I took one for the team and ate both mine and my boyfriends dessert. I know, I know, I'm so benevolent.
3. Don't Say Hello When You Walk Into An Event
Not only is it rude, it's socially moronic. This is especially important for non Iranians who are being introduced into the Iranian community. Say hello! Especially if it's a room full of older adults. Skip out on that, and you'll henceforth be referred to as bi-adab (without manners) or Amrikayee-e, balad nist (He/She is American, they don't know any better).
One of my earliest memories comes from being at mehmoonees (Persian gatherings), and having my mom constantly ask, "Nazanin, did you say Hi to Aunt Mitra? What about Uncle Ali? And his Grandmother that just came from Iran? And his Grandmothers cousin? What about the neighbor, you should run next door and say hi, just to be polite." The last one may be a slight exaggeration, but you get the point.
2. Don't Say GoodBye When You Leave An Event
Please refer to #3, and replace "hello" with "goodbye." This can become very tedious, as you can't just walk up to someone and say "buh bye now!" Everyone must receive a pleasantry and declaration of well wishes, some general questions about their ability to drive home safely, their thoughts on the weather forecast tomorrow, statements on how politicians are all the same, conspiracy theories, and before you know it, everyone is sitting down again as the hosts rush to make more tea and coffee, and bring out a fresh fruit platter and more dessert! Which, by the way, you'd better eat!
1. Don't Invite Them To Something. Bonus Points If You Don't Invite Them To A Wedding.
If you're friends with A, B, and C, and you invite A and B over for drinks one night, but not C, it's bad news bears. It's also apparently a law to invite your friends in the groups that you first met them. If a new person is introduced, person D, then that person can technically be left out at your whim because they were a new addition. But if person D decides to invite persons A, B, and C over and not YOU, best believe sh*t's about to get serious!
Situation is exacerbated if you add a wedding to the mix.This is, by far, the most sure fire way to offend an Iranian. Even if your families haven't spoken in years, if one of you killed the other ones cat, or your ancestors were sworn enemies in the old country, an Iranian will still expect an invite. It doesn't matter if it's the wedding of someones child, and you haven't seen their child since they were in 5th grade, you're still expecting an invite. Don't try to reason with the offended, they'll come back with, "But I've always asked how Ali joon is doing." "But you haven't spoken to his mom in 3 years." "So what? They've been in my thoughts!" I'm already anxious about my wedding guest list, and I'm not even engaged.
I hope this blog helps non Iranians avoid cultural minefields, one mine at a time!
