5 Ways To Immediately Take Control Of Your Happiness

1. STOP CARING WHAT OTHER PEOPLE THINK OF YOU

I'm not saying be an asshole and expect people to love you. I'm saying to be yourself without having to explain, or make excuses for your passions, interests, and dreams. If you're respectful, and polite to someone, and they just  don't care for you, who the fuck cares? If they're judgmental of the life choices you've made for yourself, who the fuck cares? They are 1 person out of 7 billion on this planet. There are 6,999,999,999 more people that you can make a real connection with. Stay true to yourself, and don't compromise what you stand for.

2. UNDERSTAND THAT THE WAY PEOPLE TREAT YOU OR REACT TO YOU HAS MORE TO DO WITH WHAT'S INSIDE OF THEM THAN IT DOES WHAT'S INSIDE OF YOU

 Let go of feeling the need to win people over. I feel like this happens a lot in our teens, and 20's. Wanting people to like us, accept us, and understand us. Truth is, that's not going to happen with everyone you meet, and that's ok! One of the most beautiful things in life is the connection we make with other human beings. The interests that we share, the different opinions that we are exposed to that make us think, and the happiness we get from making deeper connections with people. If that happened  with everyone we came into contact with, we would never get anything done, and the world would start getting pretty boring. Most of the times, if someone is treating you with disrespect, rudeness, or any other form of negativity, it's because of whatever traumas they're dealing with in their minds. Our experiences shape who we are, and how we react to those around us. Some people don't know how to express anger, sadness, frustration, etc., so their negativity can come out by being an asshole to you. Don't let other people's traumas seep into your psyche, and negatively impact your behaviors. Smile and walk away.

3. MAINTAIN YOUR CONNECTIONS WITH FRIENDS

Regardless of what your Facebook friend count shows, you're not meant to have 3927 friends. Those aren't your friends. Those are your "friends." Happiness in life comes from connecting with others, creating memories, laughing, sharing thoughts, drying tears, traveling, celebrating, and everything in between. How many people can you call at 3am to come pick you up because you're drunk, or ask to talk you through a panic attack, or just listen to you cry and rant about something that hurt you, knowing you won't get judged for any of it? Those are the people you should make sure you're keeping in touch with, spending time with, and giving your maximum efforts to. I'm not saying don't be social with new friends. I'm just saying, remember the ones who truly love you, and make sure you maintain those friendships throughout life as best as you can.

4. STOP COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS

We are all on different paths. We all want different things. What's at the top of your list may not be at the top of mine, and we shouldn't be judging one another for it. Stop trying to make everyone think like you. Respect and appreciate your differences. Celebrate other people's accomplishments. Be encouraging. Be supportive. It's ok if that person got that promotion, or that part, your turn will come. What good will it do to your soul, and your well being, to hate on other people? Other than creating negativity in your body, nothing.  You'll continue down your path of success when you focus on what you're doing, rather than on what everyone else is doing.

5. AGE MEANS NOTHING

Unless you're waiting to drive, enlist in the military, or drink alcohol, age really is just a number. Society will dictate to you what it means to be 25, 30, 35, 40, and on and on. Only you have the power to tune that shit out and do what you believe in. Chase the things you believe in. Put time and effort into the things you believe in. Don't let someone tell you that you can't do something because of your age. The majority of the time, people try and discourage you from something because of their own fears. Don't let that get into your head.

Growing Up With A Persian Mom Means...

If you don't call her back within 10 minutes of her leaving you a voicemail, she will think you're either dead, kidnapped, or a terrible daughter. If you're a son, you're probably just busy.

You'd better bring her tupperware back. With the correct lids.

Empty sandwich meat containers are washed and turned into disposable tupperware.

Don't even THINK about walking on that silk Persian rug.

Seriously. Take off your shoes.

Your boyfriend/girlfriend doesn't really count until there's a ring involved.

Until then, he/she is "just a friend/classmate."

She will always think your house is dirty.

You don't actually know how to cook unless you're cooking Persian dishes.

Your hair is always parted on the wrong side.

Don't laugh too loud. It's not ladylike.

Don't talk too loud, either.

Just don't talk.

Are you going to wear that dress? It's too short.

That one's too long.

Just let her dress you.

She has the blueprint of every mall within a 25 mile radius.

She has a map of Lord & Taylor in her purse at all times.

Between coupons, finding the Persian lady who works there, and talking to the manager, she can get you a $3000 gown for about $75.

She may nag at you in private, but in public you're the greatest human being to ever live. Just make sure you're dressed appropriately. And don't talk too loud.

10 Tips For a Non-Persian Man Meeting a Persian Girl's Parents

These tips are designed to help get you through the first part of the night. If you make it to the second part of the night intact, stay tuned for Part 2...

1. When meeting her parents for the first time, do not wear anything less than dress pants and a dress shirt. Show up in a t-shirt and jeans and you'll be referred to as 'nafahm,' which basically means he who does not understand, or 'bi pedar o madar,' which means he who has no mother or father. Trust me, it makes sense.

Pro Tip: Blazers preferred, ties get you bonus points.

2. Learn some basics, like how to say 'hello' (Salam), 'how are you?' (Khoobi?), and that we are not Arab.

Pro Tip: No, really, we are not Arab.

3. Bring her mother flowers. Make sure they're not wilting, dry, or an ugly color. Your flower choices will be scrutinized.

Pro Tip: Persian moms love flowers that will continue to blossom. Orchids are a great choice. 


4. Bring her father really good scotch. Be prepared to go toe to toe with him.

Pro Tip: Eat something beforehand. 


5. Do not, under ANY circumstances, greet the Persian girl with anything more than a smile and a 'hello.' Handshakes may be permissible, but do not hold on to her hand for longer than two seconds. Physical contact is, at this point, forbidden. Go in for a hug and her father will shoot daggers through your skull so sharp that you may drop dead on the spot.

Pro Tip: Just don't look at her.


6. If she has a sister, brother, or both, bring them something. You need them on your side as the evening goes on and the conversations potentially get awkward. Siblings can either be a great buffer/comic relief, or your worst nightmare. Be wise.

Pro Tip: Compliment her sister and bring her baked goods. If she has a brother, just pour him a glass of the scotch.


7. Don't swear or tell dirty jokes, unless you want them to think you're a 'laat,' which is basically the equivalent of a hoodlum/vagrant/uneducated fool.

Pro Tip: Learn an easy joke in English.  


8. Make sure you're aware of what happened in Iran in 1953, and 1979.

Pro Tip: Google.


9. Tell her mother that the flowers in her garden are the most beautiful you've ever seen. Did she do that on her own? Wow! Impressive! And that crystal bowl, is that Mikasa, or Waterford? Either way, excellent choice.

Pro Tip: "And your home is so clean and well decorated! Are these silk rugs from Iran? Stunning."


10. When her mother offers you more food, say 'Thank you! I'd love more! Your cooking is so perfectly delicious that I just can't say 'no.'

Pro Tip: Don't say 'no.'

10 More Signs You're Getting Older

1. Your knees pop and lock more than America's Best Dance Crew.

2. Your little black book has been replaced by your cookbook.

3. You rocked jelly shoes.

4. You shopped at Contempo Casuals.

5. You shopped at Structure.

6. You use the phrase "Can't we all just get along?"

7. You remember the Redskins winning the Superbowl.

8. You remember having to keep your cell phone calls to under 60 seconds. 
    "Hurry, hurry I'm at 57!"

9. You've paid $.87 a gallon

10. Hypercolor was awesome.

11 Quirks of the Persian Mom

1) She washes dishes before putting them in the dishwasher. To get washed.

2) She cleans up the house before the cleaning people come. To clean the house.

3) Her first suggestion for any ailment is tea with honey/rosewater/rock candy.

4) She plants all her own flowers, makes your dad help, and insists "khodesh doost dare!" (he, himself, enjoys it!)

5) She never has to raise her voice to scare you. Sitting very still and widening her eyes just a millimeter sends ripples of fear throughout your body.

6) She'll call you and leave you a voicemail, and if you don't call her back within five minutes, she'll call again. Then she'll text. Then she'll send out an Amber Alert.

7) When you're cooking, she'll come stand next to you and make sure you're "doing it right."
"Why aren't you using saffron? Did you wash the chicken? Wash the chicken again." 

8) She'll verbally lash anyone who says anything negative about you in public, but will recite a list of everything you're doing wrong when you're back in private.

9) Sundays are call-every-relative-overseas day.

10) She'll call all of your dates/boyfriends/girlfriends/love interests "friends", and won't consider your relationship "serious" until there is a diamond ring involved.

11) When driving with her, she will always do these three things:
1) Alert you as soon as you're driving one mile over the speed limit.
2) Yell your name, followed by a "movazeb bash!" (be careful!) whenever you change lanes, exit, or breathe.
3) Firmly smack the dashboard three times when she wants you to STOP!

12 Signs You're Getting Older

You think the music is too loud. Everywhere.

You refer to teenagers as kids, and you think middle schoolers look like toddlers with bigger clothes.

The thought of going out two nights in a row is extremely stressful.

Staying in on a Saturday night to watch three movies in a row seems totally normal. And more fun than being in a loud bar.

You'd rather stab yourself in the eyes repeatedly while listening to songs by Creed than go to a packed club full of hot, sweaty people.

You know who Creed is.

You start using the "I gotta get up early tomorrow" excuse for leaving parties.

Your pins on Pinterest are less fashion and fun, and more Crate & Barrel and Pier 1.

When your parents scold a sibling, you start agreeing with them.

You start worrying about things like prostates, ovaries, and colons.

You start planting flowers.

You start planting anything.

Top 7 Reasons Why Norooz Is The Best Holiday Ever!

1. Norooz Marks the Beginning of Spring!

It's a beautiful season, rife with all sorts of symbolism marking the opportunity for a real new start. Flowers are starting to bloom, there's more sunshine in the day, everything feels light and airy and free! The possibilities for what you can accomplish in the new year seem endless, way more endless than the first day of that other new year that's smack dab in the middle of a dark, dreary, and cold season.

2. This Is the Only Time (most) Persian Kids Are Allowed Pets In The House...

...in the form of Goldfish. The Goldfish are a part of the traditional HaftSeen spread, symbolizing life. Try explaining to a child why their only chance at a pet will inevitably die, usually before the holiday is even over. Persian kids have been forced to cope with death as early as they can remember Norooz, watching the goldfish die, one by one.

"Maman, why is that one floating upside down?"

"Eez dead, azizam. Pets die, dees eez vhy I don't let you to have one. You cannot alvays take care of eet."

Scarred.For.Life.

3. You Won't Be Inundated With "resolutions" to Lose Weight...Because Everyone is Force Feeding You Food!

The food, oh the food. 13 days of non-stop home cooked Persian food. 13 days of rice based dishes, which sounds like a Hollywood star's worst nightmare, but a Persian's dream. And who could forget the shirini (sweets & pastries)?! Persian bakeries are working overtime to accommodate the influx of orders for baked goods. Diabetics up their insulin shots and deal with the consequences after the holiday is over. It's just that good. You may tell yourself you'll only have "one or two with my chaeey (tea)" but we all know that once that tray is passed around, you'll have so much honey and sugar on your lips, you'll look like you just made out with a jar of vaseline.


4. Eidi $$ (Norooz gifts of Money)

Whenever you visit someone's house during the celebration of Norooz, you go to their HaftSeen (the table of 7 S's representing different wishes for the New Year) and you open the book of Poetry they have on the table. There are bills of all denominations in between the pages, just waiting for guests to pluck them from obscurity. The page that you've opened up to is read aloud, and that poem is a representation of what your year will hold for you, a telling of your future. So you get a reading, and YOU get paid for it. Sweet!

5. Eid Didani, Literally Translated: Seeing for the New Year. In Short, Going from House to House, Spending Time With Your Family and Friends.

How much fun is that?! 13 days of seeing everyone you love, with people giving you food, sweets, and money just for showing up. With Christmas, you're stuck wherever you are for that one day, and there's usually no escape, also due to weather conditions. With Norooz, if you get bored (or want more money) you can totally use the excuse that you still have to make more rounds of visiting family and friends, and just leave whenever you want!

6. Dancing, Drinking, Dancing!

The amount of parties can be overwhelming to a non-Persian. The best way to prepare for these 13 days is to nap frequently, and stay hydrated, so that you can party all night. You will always be expected to dance. All night. No excuses.

"Vat you are meaning you are tie-yerd? You must do danceeng veet us!" 

You will be exhausted at the end of the night. You will be hungover the next morning. You will have blisters for days. But the memories, the laughter, and the fun will make it all worth while. I promise.

7. Sizde Bedar - Loose Translation: The 13th Outside

13 is considered a number of bad luck, so on the 13th (and last) day of the Norooz celebration, Persians leave their homes en masse to celebrate. They go to big parks to barbecue, dance, eat, play sports, talk about what everyone is wearing, pretend like they're dressed down for the park but really they took a lot of time picking out those jeans and cute hoodies to match (it takes more effort to look casually dressed down than you may think). It's fun to play games all day and watch the people who wore dress shoes, skirts, and slacks, try to navigate their way around the grass and mud without getting dirty.

(Rumor also has it that this mass gathering of Persians was the catalyst to create Homeland Security. Just a rumor, I'm sure)

Lastly, young women are supposed to tie little knots in pieces of the sabzi that were grown on their haftseen spread, and throw them in a body of water, wishing for a husband, because, as we all know, the most important thing that can happen to a woman is to get married. Unless they're over 30 and unmarried, in which case they're expected to throw themselves into the water. (Just kidding. I think)

Sale Hamegi Mobarak, va omidvaram ke saletoon por az khoobi, khoshi, va movafagheeat bashe!

Translation: Happy New Year to everyone, and I hope that your year is filled with wellness, happiness, and prosperity/success!